This post is about my child now pretty much asks for what he wants, which is awesome, because that whole trying to decipher what a cry means part of my life was scary and confusing.
Now? He speaks. He tells you exactly what he wants, when he wants it.
Or does he?
Behold, a new list of Aiden-isms. Viewer Discretion Advised.
Mine – Pronounced “Miiiiiinets!”. Whatever it is, you better give it now. I mean now. I wish to hold it for a minute, but only just so long. If you do not comply I will throw myself onto the ground for three minutes or however long it takes me to notice you’ve walked away. Note: This is especially harsh when it involves food.
Potty – Pronounced “Paw-eee”. I wish to trick you into thinking I’m closer to being potty trained, but really, I just wish to sit upon the throne whilst eye-balling the bath tub. I will casually suggest after a few moments that I need a bath. I will argue with you with a sweet smile about this, as you insist I need to potty. I don’t.
Bath – Pronounced “Bass”. Sometimes sounds like “bache”. I wish to sit in the warm water playing with my toys. Naked. Because that’s how God intended it. I think. Anyway, don’t you dare wash my hair. I mean it. That cup is for drinking bath water while you’re not looking, so if you so much as THINK of pouring that water on my head so help me…
Blanket – Pronounced “dane-det”. This is not meant for cuddling with momma. I wish to race my cars on the pattern of the blanket, so lay it out for me like a good momma. There. The lines in the blanket should make a road. There. Now go fetch me some cheese.
Night Night – Pronounced like it reads. Don’t be difficult. And you think you’re getting a nap? Ah. AHahahahah. No. I wish to cuddle in momma’s bed under her blankets and pretend to sleep for approximately 30 seconds, whilst fake snoring. I will perk my head up and insist that I “fix” your alarm clock. This involves pressing buttons, and changing the lighting settings which were previously set to automatically adjust to the lighting in the room. After I “fix” your alarm clock, I will lay back down and pretend to sleep again. This will go on until I announce it’s time to wake up. Then we will watch cartoons. Lucky you.